Bogdan and I have been together for 23 years now, and one of the most remarkable things about our lives together has been that for almost the entire time, we have worked together in the same place. I thought it might be interesting to talk a bit about what it's like spending 24/7 with your life's partner, and the advantages and difficulties that can cause.
My experience has been that generally, people fall into two categories; those who think that spending 24 hours a day working with your spouse is wonderful; and those who think that no marriage can survive that kind of familiarity. I've also noticed that people who are recently together tend to fall into the first camp, and those who have been married for years fall into the second. The other observation I have made is that when elderly couples reach a threshold in their lives together, they seem to settle into a sort of inevitable unity that makes it impossible for them to imagine life without the other. I fancy that may explain why old people who loose their spouses often themselves pass away after a short time. My parents died only four months apart, and Mom seemed to have little interest in living after Dad passed.
Our story has little to do with those of others. We have spent so much of our lives together due to external factors. After five years in Romania, we began a long stint of international posts in The Emirates, New Zealand, California, and Russia. In each case, our living and working lives required us to spend all of our time together. In the Emirates, we actually worked in the same room together, much as we do now. In New Zealand, California and Russia, while I had a job away from Bogdan, his video and photographic talents were quickly tapped by my employers. and he was around all the time. In 2015, when we moved back to Houston to help out with Mom and Dad, we opened our creative business, Buburuza Productions, and have been working side by side ever since.
For us, it seems so completely normal to spend so much time together, but there are costs to that much contact between us. I believe that flaws and limitations we both possess are amplified, and tend to reinforce negative notions. We often have few stories to tell one another, because we are both present for all our activities. I guess when I'm senile, and don't remember what happened an hour ago, I'll find his stories fascinating. When we are arguing about work, or about something personal, those disagreements often bleed into the other aspect of our lives together. And since we have no common boss, we must always negotiate business decisions with no real hierarchy. I sometimes wonder if key decisions we disagree on are resolved based on how much either of us wants to fight about it.
But the beauty of working so closely with Bogdan is that it works. Sure we have our differences, and disagreements, but there is no one I trust more when seeking advice, criticism of my artwork, or taking care of my feelings. I want so much more than business success for Bogdan. I want to see him happy, thriving. We have developed an art business that is continuing to grow and develop just as we are growing and developing. And having a business partner who pays attention to my needs, understands my weaknesses, looks to me for support, and in turn supports me, is golden.
So let there be the occasional scrap between us, or hurt feelings when I feel misunderstood or under-appreciated. We come as a set, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Comments