With all of the issues around Covid-19, and the civil unrest throughout the country, we're getting obvious signs that my father is about to end his battle with cancer. He's going to be 93 this week, and it seems as though his body is shutting down. Today he didn't eat at all, and is unable to keep even a swallow of water down without heaving it back up.
I'm going to change some of the format of my blogging this week, because my mind and concerns are with Dad and Mom, and dealing with what appears to me to be end of life issues. At 93, and diagnosed with lung cancer over three years ago, none of this is a surprise, but you can appreciate how much attention and emotion is involved. Tomorrow I'll call the doctor, but I'm half expecting him to refer me to Hospice. That's ok too, but I also don't want to give up too easily, if a pill can restore his appetite. It's going to be a bumpy few days.
I will probably continue to blog this week, not out of a sense of obligation, or a denial of the difficulties I'm facing. I rather think that I need to find ways to express myself, and my feelings, and writing is one of the ways I do that. The other way is my art. So at the risk of appearing selfish or self-absorbed, I want to give myself an outlet for my emotions, so that I can better be present for my parents and my family during this time of transition. I hope that makes sense.
That also means you're free just to skip over these posts. I won't be offended. I know there is often nothing worse than listening to someone trying to process suffering, so I'll apologize now, and give you a pass, but you have to come back, OK?
I suppose that 2020 is proving to be quite a year for us all. Take care of yourselves, take care of those around you, and give yourself a break. We're all dealing with an enormous amount right now. So everyone give a non-infectious hug to everyone else, and let's get through this together.
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